you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
