had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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