When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This house was built for laser tag.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
