this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
