DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
