I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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