i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
