I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
