You made me cry and you don't even care
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
