they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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