Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
