i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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