so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
