i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
