I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
