you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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