where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
