I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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