Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
