Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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