know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
