You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
