I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
