Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
