I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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