Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
