saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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