What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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