Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize