There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
