you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize