he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
