You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
