If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
