I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
