You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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