I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
