ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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