I take back everything I said about communal showers
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
