apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
