3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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