it wasn't lemon gatorade
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
