He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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