Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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