We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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