At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
