listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
