thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
