True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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