OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
