her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
