halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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