hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize