I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
