I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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