well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
