My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
