Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
