i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
