Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just pee around me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
