I'm really into asian looking animals
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
