$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
