Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
