dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
