I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
