i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize