dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
