Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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