She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
